First of all, as I am typing this, I'm having mixed feelings. You know they always say the more hope you put into something, the more disappointed you would feel.

I've gone from being desperate like - God, aren't You here with us?! God, where is Your divine intervention?! God, just where are You?? When are You showing up??

To this..telling myself to keep on believing..

I cannot describe how devastated I feel at the moment, not because of how things turned out to be but because I'm so angry at how the process went on. I know I am not the only one feeling disappointed, cheated even. And I'm not even involved directly, so you could imagine how voters actually feel. Now I do understand why people feel like their vote don't matter because of such incidents that will discourage them. I mean it feels like what you vote doesn't matter. 

I'm surrounded by friends that have dreams and ambitions to live abroad, outside of Malaysia. Some of them have already fulfilled this dream. They say it with their own mouth - they hate this country - but love their family and friends. Sometimes, I feel the same way. I mean my friends are leaving, why should I stay? It's not so much of a bandwagon thing, really, because I know why they feel that way. So every day I struggle between the desire to go to another country and experience a better life or believing this inner self that tries to convince myself to stay. This is my home. This is where I belong. I can think of many reasons to leave this land, but one thing that keeps me back here is the ultimate longing to see how Malaysia will turn into a beautiful land once again. 

Take note, Malaysia will never be the same again. As much as I am utterly annoyed and disgusted by people who blindly support one party and another due to their own bias (I don't believe one party should be superior to the other - there should always be healthy competition), there are more people in my generation who is now taking up the challenge to be more liberal and outspoken against corruption and injustice. 

Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world". Similarly, if we want our leaders to stop being corrupted or racist, we need to stop being corrupted or racist ourselves. Remember, even an RM10 bribery to a policeman to avoid getting saman is also corruption.

Someone said that freedom is not for the fainthearted, which I find to be very true. Nelson Mandela served in prison for 27 years, and Martin Luther King, Jr and Gandhi were both assassinated. There is a price to pay but it will be all worth it in the end. 

Start today and press on. Whatever we do today will build the momentum for the next few years till the final moments. This is the time for young Malaysians to shine.

The day will come when Malaysia will rise up again. 

And the day is drawing closer. 

Never lose hope.